Stop being gay. Watch Stander.

Okay, this is it. Stander is the most awesome film of the last few years, if not of all time. If you haven't seen this film, don't tell anyone - just watch it immediately and save yourself the ridicule. Then watch it again.

Some pussies may be asking:
"Why is Stander so awesome? I haven't heard of it."
I'm a charitable guy, so I will try and improve their quality of life by explaining:-

It's a biopic (but awesome), a love story (but awesome), and a heist movie (awesome).

Thomas Jane is actually good in it. It may be that the movie was so awesome, he couldn't help it.

It has Dexter Fletcher in it and he says "crep". All the time.

It's set in the seventies, enabling the use of cool cars, clothes, aviator shades and quality sideburnage.

The Stander gang are bloke bloke blokey-blokes.

It's a film about one kick-ass badass mother.

It has a sex scene, a riot scene, numerous bank robberies, two prison escapes, shoot-outs, and a car chase.

It has a certain "je nais se quois". This sounds poncey, but that's because it's French, and therefore unavoidably so. It just means that it's awesome.

It's awesome yet it's directed by a woman. This also means women can stop banging on about Sofia Coppola and mention Bronwen Hughes once in a while.

Yes, it does contain a couple of token male bum shots, but it's nowhere near as bad as that lacoste advert, and you have to have something for the girls and gays to be all-encompassingly awesome.

I have read a few criticisms of the film, and they all basically say the same old shit, which is that the film isn't true to real life and that Stander was a bastard. First of all, how the hell do they know? Second of all, who the hell cares? No one had heard of Stander outside South Africa anyway.

To save yourself further embarrassment you should know it's pronounced Starn-dah, not Stan-dur. Enrich your life, watch Stander now. It's what I'll be doing.