Don't use Paypal. Or eBay.

I have recently tried to set up a Paypal account. I thought this would allow me to pay for something I wanted from eBay. Drawn from my experiences, I would like to share the following points with you:

1) Don't use Paypal. Paypal is absolute WANK. Never use it EVER. Do not consider using Paypal. If you are currently thinking that Paypal is a good thing or that you might one day use Paypal then maybe you should try and use it to "win" a shotgun to blow your gums out of your arsehole. You will most likely have spattered bits of your brain over the monitor from repeatedly smashing your skull into the keyboard, even before the end of the auction.

2) Don't use Paypal. If you do not use Paypal, you will find it difficult to pay for things on gaybaY. You might have to search the house for your chequebook, write out a cheque, go out to buy an evelope and some stamps. You will have to lick the stamp and put it on the envelope. Then you have to lick the envelope! You must find a pen. You will have to write the address of the seller on the envelope. You will have to put this into a "postbox". Then all you have to do is wait five working days for the cheque to clear, and you're done. This, albeit a prefable method to using Paypal, (as is nailing cash to a warthog and slapping its backside), is out of the question, as we no are no longer living in 1883. The solution?

3) Don't use gaybaY either. Go to the shops, or even to a real auction. Why do gaybaY auctions last a week? No one bids until the last thirty seconds anyway. They should make all auctions thirty seconds long.

P.S. Don't use Paypal.