Chronicles of Gay Paris II: Sacs de Merde

I suddenly had a craving for some jam. Not being able to find it I felt I would be able to strech my linguistical skills as far asking where I might find some. I thought it through, "excusez-moi, d'où êtes la..." Shit. I didn't know how to say jam in French. I thought about this, and I have noticed that many French words are just a poncey synonym for the word you want said with a french accent. For example, the ponciest word for gun is pistol, add a French accent and you get the French word "pistolet". The ponciest word I could think of for Jam was preservative. Add a French accent, bingo "préservatif". Problem solved, except it turns out that préservatif in French means condom.