I'm a cockney, I'm a cockney...

The Job screws up my body clock, so I'm up at 06:30. I contemplate the ceiling for a while, before getting up for a slash, pain shooting through my foot with every step to the bathroom. I get back into bed, and realise my mouth tastes like ass, so I get up again to brush my teeth.

Back in bed I fire up the laptop and check my mail. I've got a couple of alerts from Facebook, one from Vicki Sue-Bob, the Canadian wife of my mate Longneck who now lives over there (see earlier post of my visit). She mentions she thought of me after seeing a guy wearing sandals and black socks, (because I have voiced the belief that this is how Canadians dress on holiday) and asks if I saw the pic of Longneck dressed as The Hitcher from The Mighty Boosh. I had done and was particularly amused that the costume went down a storm even though no one has heard of The Boosh out there. I send her a reply, then go downstairs to find some headphones so I can watch a downloaded episode of Long Way Down without disturbing the still-sleeping Bootylace.

I put on the first ep', and reignite my hetero-love affair with Ewan McGregor. Sorry Charley! When it finishes, I do the dutiful husband thing and go and make Booty some breakfast. I cook some eggy bread/French toast and hit on the idea of frying it in maple syrup. I would have added some bananas, but we don't have any. I take the meal upstairs with a cuppa and rouse the missus. Being a big fatty I didn't make any for myself, although I do accept a taste and it's sensational, even if I do say so myself. The breakfast stimulates a convo about how food triggers nostalgic memories, and B-lace tells me that eggy bread was a cheap meal her mum would serve up for tea, which Booty would then draw a face on in Ketchup before smearing over the whole slice. I reminisce about the Campbell's meatballs and Smash my grandparents would feed me in their static caravan.

We have the day together for once, so I suggest we go out and do something. Short on ideas, I check out what's on at the Cineworld at Ashford but nothing really appeals. Booty half-heartedly suggests a shopping trip but as we're both skint, that's not really an option. I take a shower and then watch 28 Weeks Later's special features while Booty is in the bathroom. When she comes in she really starts getting into the special features, which is pretty weird as she hates all special features and any kind of gore or horror movie. We lounge in bed for a bit enjoying the extras, until we decide to do some food shopping.

Bootsy drives us out to Ashford to the Tescos Extra and we listen to Radio 1 pretty much in silence, just exchanging the odd eye roll and tut over DJ Sarah Cox's annoying comments. On arrival a guy asks if we want the car washed and Booty instinctively turns it down, much to my annoyance as it's filthy, but my foot is hurting to such a degree that I can't face walking any further than I need to, so I don't go and get the guy back. This kicks off a bickering sesh which continues on and off for pretty much the whole shopping trip. On the way home we pass an accident involving three cars, there's a kid in the road and a woman in a blanket. The kid seems okay though and we consider stopping, but there doesn't seem to be much point as there are plenty of other people already there. The bickering goes on until we unload the shopping and I reach boiling point and Booty gets in a strop because of my temper. I know it might seem that it would be more interesting if I were to relay the specific details of what are arguments are about, but I guarantee you it wouldn't, and anyway, I can't honestly remember what it was all about anyway.

I eat lunch while watching a Family Guy commentary wondering how are people who produce such funny shows able to be so dull? Then I kick into some Halo 3 matchmaking. There's a general thaw between the missus and I when she needs me to extract a giant wasp from the kitchen. It's October, and we have wasps in the house - this is probably because Booty has the heating so fucking high that the insects think Summer has come early. I go back into the lounge to resume my game and Bootz lays on the floor in front of me with some sweeties and draws a big picture of a minotaur. I'm mildly amused by her carrying out such as childlike activity, but I don't say anything for fear of further reprisal. She offers me some marshmallows and I proffer some Kola Kubes. We each decline the other's offer, but politely. I rank up a level then switch off the Xbox and head upstairs to write the blog. Bootylace joins me and watches Airline.

When it's over we drive over to the Monk House on the Isle of Thanet to have Sunday dinner with Booty's parents, her brother Filly-Willip and his girlfriend Sharpie. Before the meal, while B's parents are preparing it, the rest of us shoot the shit in the lounge, while catching the end of The Empire Strikes Back. It's not long before the food's ready and there's always a good spread on at the House of Monk. Tonight it's a choice of beef or pork, Yorkshire puds, awesomely roasted spuds, cauliflower cheese, carrots and kale. This I wash down with a refreshing lager shandy, followed by cherry pie and custard. After the meal, most of us (Mummy Monk has work to do) sit down to the second episode of Long Way Down. I thrilled to see I've been to virtually all the places featured in the episode. As Booty has to get up early for work tomorrow, we leave pretty much as soon as the credits roll. I'm feeling pretty tired at this point, so Booty drives and we listen to Late Night Love on the wireless. Not the most appropriate title for one of the most depressing radio shows I've ever heard, tonight themed on uncontrollable debt. I can't help nodding off, but Booty keeps waking me up, concerned about me sleeping with my contacts in.

We get back to the old homestead, and I take out the bins ready for the morning collection (garden waste). I pop out my contacts, while Booty brushes her teeth. Booty gets into bed and I finish off the blog, planning to join her when I'm finished, which is what I'm going to do now.